Liz:
What made you decide to try a dating service on the net?
Nicole:
After my
recent break up, I was left wondering where I could find the next mate. I’m
tired of the bar scene and I always thought of myself as a little bit shy and
not really comfortable talking with new people. An internet friend of mine
suggested that I try an internet dating service that he had just joined. I
thought, what the heck, it’s $25/month, obviously I
can afford that because I have no social life!
Liz:
So have you given yourself
a time frame for meeting someone?
Nicole:
When I
signed up for the site, my choices where $20 for one month, $39 for 3 months or
$79 for 12 months… I thought, geez, if I can’t find
someone in one month then I’d better try something else…. Here I am in my 3rd
month (still paying by the month) and I’m still having a blast! Some
interesting possibilities and some real wackers!
Liz:
Are you particular about
the kind of man you will meet with for a date?
Nicole:
Yes, I
guess I am a little picky. I make people write quite a few e-mails so I can get
to know their personality and find out a little more details than they provided
on their profile. My system is to write a few emails, when the time is right,
talk on the phone, then set up a date. Some people get bored with the emails
and try to force a meeting too quickly, some who make it to round two with a
phone call sometimes get eliminated… it could be something as simple as I don’t
like their voice or they don’t pronounce the ‘g’ at the end of ‘ing’… ie: dancin,
writin, datin etc. When I
finally do agree to meet someone, I’d like to think of it as an interview and
not a date… this way no one is uncomfortable if there’s no spark.
Liz:
Haha that is so funny. I have a pet peeve about that
stuff myself. What was your worst experience so far on a date?
Nicole:
Here’s 3,
you be the judge.
I met bachelor
#1 for a casual dinner. A nice looking man, good background too! While he was
very talkative on the computer and phone, live and in person he didn’t have
much to say. I tried to talk about our common interests but after a while I ran
out of new topics… but what really was bugging me as a little mark above his
lip. I just kept staring at it and wondering, is that a scab? Chapped lips? Herpes? Maybe it’s just his moustache? Then I noticed he
kept licking it throughout the meal. Finally at the end of the dinner, he
either rubbed it with his napkin too hard or maybe he licked it too much but
then it started bleeding… I thought "OH MAN, don’t even try to kiss me with
that bloody lip! Whatever it is, I don’t want it!"
Bachelor #2
invited me out to have a cup of coffee at Borders but when I got there at
Bachelor #3 was
actually a set up thru my boss and a coworker who think I’m crazy to be out
meeting strangers. They set me up with the physical therapist from their
chiropractor’s office. After 3 dates, we both decided that we were not a good
match. He moved a little too fast for me. Talking dirty in my ear is not a turn
on… maybe dirty isn’t even the word… vulgar suggestive comments is not the way
to impress a lady. I thought, dude, save it for a hooker, you’re not going to
get anywhere with me!
Liz:
Yikes, if nothing else,
this must teach you how to handle yourself on the spot *laughs* when a guy
emails you his picture, what are you looking for specifically?
Liz:
If I get
unsolicited mail, I look at the picture and if interested, I will read their
profile to see if we have anything in common. Most of the people who write to
me usually fall in the ‘undesirable’ category. Seriously, what would a 33 year
old girl find attractive with a 55 year old man? Hello…. Did you read my
profile? I want to get married and have babies before it’s too late! At 55 it’s
too late for you! The rest live too far away. I limit my search to within 10
miles of my zip code. How many dates can you expect to have with someone who
lives 50 to 100 miles away? What’s the point? If I’m searching the profiles the
main things I’m looking for are locals who are serious about starting a relationship
and want children in the future.
Liz:
You seem to be really
clear about who you are looking for; how important are looks since you only
have a photo to go by?
Nicole:
I conduct
my search by looking at the photo gallery. While I’ll say looks are important,
I don’t necessarily choose the men who look like a super model. I stick with
the normal down to earth men… average looking. Looks just get you in the door, it’s the personality that will get you the second
date.
Liz:
Do you feel there is a
social stigma around internet dating? I know my Mom would be freaked out if I
told her I met a man on the net.
Nicole:
Yes, I know
a lot of people look down on this method of meeting people. While I don’t tell
everyone I’m on the web site, I don’t hide the fact of how I met someone if and
when it does work out. I think safety is the main concern and I try to follow
all the rules.
Liz:
What are the qualities
you are looking for in a man and how much of a chance are you willing to give
him?
Nicole:
I’m looking
for down to earth men who have similar interests but also people who could
challenge me to try new things. Men who want marriage and
children in the future. Someone who is looking to find their best friend
or soul mate! Most times I will just give men one date to make a good
impression. If you agree to a 2nd date and you aren’t really
interested, it’s not really fair to lead them on.
Liz:
Is the man’s location an
issue for you?
Nicole:
Yes, I am
only interested in local. I like a lot of dates and the convenience of making a
last minute plan and knowing that you can be together in just a few minutes.
Liz:
What do your family and
friends thing about your way of meeting potential dates?
Nicole:
My family
is very supportive. They just want me to be happy. Some of my friends think
this is a cool way of meeting new people, others think that its
dangerous and I’m taking unnecessary chances.
Liz:
That is so great to have
your family’s support and hey, it made
me want to interview you! *laughing*.How many positive responses do you get a
month from the dating service?
Nicole:
Match.com
is nice because if I really have the urge to search, send introduction e-mails
or just a "wink" (this just sends your profile to show you are
interested) I could probably pick 10-20 men that seem interesting. If I’m bored
with the site I do nothing and the unsolicited winks or e-mails trickle in.
Another nice feature is a ‘counter’ that shows how many people have opened your
profile. Since I signed up in August, I’ve had 4500 hits on my profile…. But
I’m not sure if that’s 4500 men who liked my picture enough to read my profile
or if it’s just one lonely obsessive guy who checks my profile a few times a
day! But in 3 months I’ve still only met
3 guys from Match.com.
Liz:
Do your dates treat you
when you’re out with them? Do you expect to be treated? That could get awkward,
right?
Nicole:
I always
offer to pay half when meeting someone new. It seems that most guys will act
insulted at the offer and pay the whole bill. I just figure that if they are
out meeting new people all the time that it could get very expensive. But, I’ll
have to admit, I was a little bit surprised when bachelor #2 (see question 4)
took my money.
Liz:
How do you let a guy
down if there isn’t an attraction for you?
Nicole:
When I’ve determined that I don’t plan on a second date, I’ll steer the
conversation to internet dating and how is the website working for them? I’ll
give suggestions on how they can improve their responses by sending out more
winks, writing detailed e-mails so people get the feeling that they already
know you when they agree to meet, etc. At the end of the night, it’s just
important to stand really far apart so they don’t try to move in for a kiss….
Just a big old hand shake and a ‘nice to meet ya, I had
a good time.’ Hope in the car and get the hell out of there! Afterwards if they
continue to send e-mails to invite me out again, I’ll just tell them I have a
few more dates lined up, thanks for the offer.
Liz:
Have you been
rejected after a first date and did he let you down gently?
Nicole:
Yes, my first date from match apparently didn’t like me enough for a second
date, but the odd thing was he kept writing to me talking about a second date
that never materialized. I thought I acted interested,
maybe he was just keeping his options open in the event he wanted a second
date. Eventually we stopped writing. No hard feelings, there’s a whole website
of men to search for a match.
Liz:
What is your
advice to men and women who are thinking an online dating service might be an
option for them?
Nicole:
Give it a try. Even if you only make a few pen pals to start, down the road you
may eventually feel comfortable to meet them. I’d like to think that these are
the same people I would have met out in a bar, in school or in the grocery
store. In closing, it has been a fun experience for me. I’m learning a little
bit about myself as I try to figure out what catches people’s eye in my profile
and also if there’s a pattern in the kind of men I’m trying to meet. I’m working
on my communication skills and overcoming my ‘shy’ personality. You know the
saying, ‘there’s lots of fish in the sea’… if I can’t catch a keeper, maybe
it’s time to move the boat!