Liz says:

Thanks for chatting with me tonight Dave. Whenever you are ready.

Dave says:

I had 2 cups of coffee, I could do it now, let me have a cigarette first. I will expose the misery as best as I can.

Liz says:

This is great that you are speaking to me about depression. I know a lot of people that suffer from depression.(will look up stats later). When did you first find out you had depression?

Dave says:

Sometime when I was 14.

Liz says:

What was going on with you then?

Dave says:

I was failing every class in school and hardly talked to anyone in my family.

Liz says:

So you were really unhappy?

Dave says:

Yes

Liz says:

How old are you now, and tell me what were the first steps your family took to getting you help?

Dave says:

I'm 21. When I was 14 my dad took me to see a psychologist, but that only lasted a couple visits, it didn't help either, the psychologist didn't seem too interested in helping, plus I told them I didn't want help.

Liz says:

Do you think there is a difference between wanting help and needing help? What has made a difference for you?

Dave says:

Yes. A person might actually need help, but think nothing can help them, so they don't bother. Wanting help might mean they actually want to change. I guess I finally decided I wanted help, which was last year when I realized I had to do something or be forever stuck avoiding having a life of any sort.

Liz says:

Do you feel that people judge you without realizing you suffer from depression? When I first met you, I have told you before, I thought you didn't like me. I later realized I was very wrong.

Dave says:

I don't care what people think anymore. It seemed a lot of people noticed I was depressed. I don't know what people would "judge" me for anyway, maybe they just think I'm a distant person, who cares anyway.

Liz says:

Once I got to know you, you were anything but distant. *laughs* What has your experience been like with the mental health professionals?

Dave says:

Just the typical questions and what meds I might need. I've seen so many of different mental health people I've lost track.

Liz says:

So you they have tried many different meds on you, or do they stick with the same thing most of the time?

Dave says:

I've been on like 6 different meds. Some are Zoloft, Risperdal, Xyprexia, Neurontin, Prozac, Abilify. When I was 15 to 17 I was on the same 3 meds and it seemed to work ok. The doctor I see now has been having me try a different med almost every time I see him, cause I wasn't feeling good at all on one of them.

Liz says:

Have you ever tried to self medicate with alcohol or drugs and if so, how does that work for you? Could you share with us your experience?

Dave says:

Yeah I would drink a lot at times, I still do actually. I just use it to numb myself and forget about all my stupid problems. It has made me self destructive and I guess still can be. It is the reason I'm seeing the doctor now. I got arrested 2 times in the past year; thankfully I didn't get put in prison. I don't do any other drugs much, maybe some pot when ever I can, which is rare.

Liz says:

So you believe the trouble and the depression go hand in hand, so to speak?

Dave says:

In my case. So much isolation makes one think too much. Then the alcohol comes and I guess I just wanted to see how the world would react by bringing out some internal insanity. Course I got punched out last time I did that, so I think I'm through with that.

Liz says:

Well I'm glad to hear that you’re through with that! *laughs* What is the #1 thing you hate about this illness and how has that thing affected your life?

Dave says:

Well I just hate how it's slowed me down, makes me wonder what I could have been doing the past years, like living or something instead of just sitting around miserable all the time. I've never had a real girlfriend; I still don't even drive my own car. I guess I've moved in life at a snails pace. I think there is some good with depression too though. It's enabled me to see life a bit differently from the average person’s eyes. Plus reflecting on things seems to be more deep and profound for me.

Liz says:

Maybe the thing is, you have more compassion than the typical person your age, due to your own suffering. You have had to overcome and grapple with a tough illness. I would imagine that you have to take it a day at a time, huh? Do you plan ahead, or do you simply live each day as it comes?

Dave says:

I might have more compassion in some areas. It seems a lot of people my age just want to go out and have fun, do drugs and not wonder about life. I just live each day as it comes, whatever it could be, though it's nothing too exciting.

Liz says:

I know you have a blog. Does journaling help you with your feelings, or is it more of a social thing?

Dave says:

It doesn't help much, I never get too "deep" in my journal, and I guess I don't want to share anything too personal. Don't know what you mean with the social thing.

Liz says:

Well is it just a way to chat and post with people online?

Dave says:

Mostly. Maybe it's just a way to kill a little time. I still don't why I even update the damn thing. Sometimes I actually say something personal, but mostly I'm just ranting about surface crap.

Liz says:

What do you want the readers of this interview to learn?

Dave says:

I don't know if anyone would learn anything, I think I'm pretty boring. Just hope people don't think I'm an idiot.

Liz says:

*laughs* For a guy who suffers from depression, you sure have a great sense of humor!

Dave says:

*dryly* Alright

Liz says:

What do you think people can learn from a better understanding of depression?

Dave says:

That there are people who are actually ill and it's a real illness and some people just might need a "kick in the ass.”

Liz says:

I'm sure people treat you like, "oh he just needs a kick in the ass”, but its not about that. It takes understanding of this illness.

Dave says:

Yeah, some people say "ohh, cheer up! It’s a beautiful day"

Liz says:

Typical of a person who is limited in their understanding, no matter how well intentioned they are. What is a typical day like for a depressed person?

Dave says:

Just being slowed down, not having energy or being interested in something others might think is "great and amazing". Everything is ridden with negativity. You want to punch the smiling clown in the face.

Liz says:

I really appreciate you helping me gain some understanding. You know I wish you all the best, and when I make it out west, we will definitely have to go out for a burrito!

Dave says:

It's been interesting doing this interview. I wonder if anyone will really learn anything.