I want to be the world champion Solitaire player. I love the game and I'm good at it. I play Microsoft's version all the time, it relaxes me. I move the cards from row to row in highly technical moves that are stunning.

Solitaire was originally installed as a way to practice mouse skills. All those business managers, like my former employer, who went into their employees' computers and deleted SOL.EXE were depriving those people of needed professional development opportunities. I'm overjoyed to no longer toil for such an apathetic company.

I would love to be in some foreign country playing a Russian or Czech Republic champs. The crowd gathers around breathless as I deal and each card appears. Slow consideration is the best strategy. I pause and consider my options. I don't just mindlessly flip the cards over. The tension builds and the crowd is enthralled.

In the elite winners circle the competition would be grueling. Opponents would invite one another out for drinks the night before the tournament in an effort to psych each another out. Big money would be at stake. I'm referring to millions in cash prizes and endorsements awarded to the world champion solitaire player. Naturally, there is the prestige and recognition that goes with being a first class player. Everyone would comment on what a phenomenon I am, and how I possess a God-given talent. I would be interviewed by magazines from all over the world, like oh say, Princess Diana.

There is nothing like a rousing game of solitaire. Now I have to finish this hand.

Click below for a cool Solitaire pic