One day, as she lay down on top of him, her breasts gave off an ache like never before. In the weeks to follow, there was the yeast infection that wouldn’t go away. With a hasty trip to an emergency room, the doctor asks her,

“When was your last period?”

“About four months ago, she replies. But its ok, I can't be pregnant I’m on the pill.”

He walks away and comes back an hour later. He is angry and tells her,

“You’re pregnant, we have the test results. I could tell by looking at you.”

Hysterically she asks, “Is it too late to have an abortion?”

“No doctor in their right mind would give you an abortion at this stage, I know I wouldn’t!” the southern gentleman snarled.

Back home on wings she flew, completely terrified and trying to figure out where the nearest bridge was to take a long, unending dive from. Her mind raced, what next, one thought after another, each worse then the last. How would she tell the boyfriend? How would she tell her father? How would she make this huge mistake go away and reclaim her life?

You see, he didn’t want this baby. He had a name sake already and he didn’t want that one. The relationship was far from perfect. She didn’t want a baby; she was barely taking care of herself. There was one more thing, the baby would be bi-racial and that was sure to set the family spinning for generations to come. At least it felt that way and she wasn’t ready to face the disapproval she was already too familar with.

Four hundred dollars from him and four hundred from her, that makes eight hundred dollars between them. New York City laws would allow an abortion at that trimester. Address in hand they set out on a road trip, her hard belly in a sweatshirt suddenly feeling protruding and obvious. At the woman’s center, they entered through waving rosaries and the shouts of "murderer". He is the only male there in a room full of females. They sit down next to a pretty girl who explains that she is in college and she pulls out a picture of her boyfriend in costume on stage. They can’t have a baby, she explains. They are still in school and her parents would kill her. The nice lady calls a group into a room and instructs,

“Check the box if you don’t want to know the sex of the baby.” She checks the box.

Back out in the waiting room, a pleasant, attractive Puerto Rican woman starts chatting. She says her husband has no idea she is there. She already has two kids and they can’t afford more, so she didn’t even bother to ask him what he thinks, she decided she wasn’t having this baby. They need a place to stay and she offers to direct them to a nice hotel near her house. The procedure, that’s a new word, will take two days. Laminaria* must be inserted to expand the cervix and then vacuum aspiration will be done. Vacuuming, like cleaning up a mess, she thought.

They followed the woman back to her house and met her two beautiful little daughters. Dark curls and gorgeous eyes.

“That’s what our baby would look like,” he lovingly said.

“Yes, I know, we would have a beautiful baby”. She smiles happy that they can share a tender thought about the situation.

“OK, I hear this place is really decent, I’ll let them know you are coming,” she says.

“Really decent” turns out to be scary and filthy but cheap as promised. Crack vials about the room, they bolt themselves in hoping no trouble breaks out during the night. She takes a mortin; the laminaria* induced cramping is starting.

“How can you sleep in this place?” He is mystified.

She has given up and just wants it all over with. She shuts her eyes to close out the world.

The next day back at the woman’s center, the laminaria* was removed and she got instructions to bathe before the procedure the following day. She is warned that her cervix is dilating and there can be no turning back now. The thought of backing out never occurred to her. They leave the woman's center and count what’s left of their money. Not much available in the way of funds, the couple starts cruising around the city looking for cheap lodging. Quickly they realize there is no such thing in this Reagan era. The welfare hotels of the day, are packed and a security guard warns these two fresh faces,

“You two don’t want to stay here, you will be robbed.”

The Susan B. Anthony has rooms but not for men and she is afraid to leave his side. They settled down on the street in a parking space for the night.

“At least were together,” she assures him,

“And we can eat tomorrow after the procedure with the money we save," he adds.

Going back to the scary hotel was out of the question. Its 2 AM, prostitutes and kids are walking up and down the street. These two suburinites couldn’t believe their eyes.

“Let’s get out of here” he says.

Finally the morning comes and the whole nightmare will soon be over. Rows of beds are lined up, in this other area at the woman’s center. She catches the doctor’s name on a form she must sign. At this point she will sign anything that promises to put this event behind her. It’s a Jewish name she notes to herself and thanks him in her mind for what he is about to relieve her of. In the tiny room they slide a green trash bag under her hips. Anesthesia will be, it must be used, they explain. She goes under fast. When she wakes up the cramping is bad. The nurse shoves huge pads between her legs every 3 minutes. She knows it’s finally over, yet something is wrong. The nurse tells her the bleeding wont stop and she is feeling pain. She looks around the room too see the other patients resting quietly. She sees the college student, she seems fine. The doctor comes over and inserts his hand into her, she screams a blood curdling shrill that fills the room, but the other patients seem to ignore it.

“She is going back in again” he says.

Now she panics and begs to see the boyfriend.

“Am I going to die”, she asks earnestly of the nurse.

“Please bring him in here, let me see him before I die.”

“You’re not going to die”, the nurse assures her.

Back into the room with the trash bags and given anesthesia again.

This time when she wakes up, the pretty blue eye shadow the nurse is wearing catches her eye. It looks so vibrant and she tells the nurse how beautiful her eyes look. As bad as she felt before, that’s how glorious she feels now. They sit her up and offer her crackers. Everything is fine now. She isn't feeling any pain.

“Will I still be able to have children”, she asks.

“Sure, you are fine”, the nurse promises.

She is free to go now. It’s all in the past. They never knew she didn’t shower or that she slept in the car the night before. And maybe she would have hemorrhaged and died under different circumstances, who knows. The boyfriend told her the city tried to tow her car while she was having the procedure, but he explained the situation to them and they cut him a break. At least now they could get something to eat and make there way home. It was back to taking the pill correctly, back to clubbing, back to life as she knew it before, or maybe not, but at least there was hope for a future thanks to the clean safe environment where this woman and many others like her, in crisis, were able to make a choice.

*Laminaria. Dried seaweed of the genus Laminaria is often used to help dilate the cervix. Laminaria is an effective and relatively painless method, and it decreases the risk of cervical laceration or perforation, reducing mortality by nearly 50 percent. The laminaria are placed in the cervix to help it begin dilating. Usually, most of the cervical expansion occurs by six hours, but maximum dilation does not occur until 12-24 hours after placement of the laminaria.

Laminaria Insertion Procedure:Laminaria tents (sponge - like sticks) are used to begin to dilate or open the cervix (the entrance to the uterus). Laminaria are placed into the cervix during a ten minutes procedure on the day of your initial visit."